Because It’s Good
Moving Chronicles #1
I should have been writing some of my musings down here over the past few months, but I’m not sure it would have been appropriate for public consumption. I’ve been on a difficult journey; one where it feels like God is prying some things out of my hands that I hold dearly… and tightly… and it hasn’t been pretty. There have been painful parts of the past few months, but there have been many difficulties as well. There have been times when I’ve suffered panic attacks, overwhelming sadness, and times doubt (both in the goodness of God and in his leading of our family). It’s been a time of wilderness wandering, soul dissonance, and liminal space like I have never experienced up to this point in my life.
When we moved to Colorado back in June of 2012, our prayer was that God would plant us deeply in a community of faith, that he’d give us friends to walk alongside, and significant calling to impact people for the kingdom of God. I’m so grateful to say that those things have happened. Not only have they happened, but they have happened to a degree that I could never have dreamed. Certainly, God has been faithful to what Paul wrote in Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us…” The last 7 years have been a case study in God doing more than we could have thought or imagined.
And that’s what makes it hard.
Sometimes we’ll say things like, “it’s hard, but it’s good.” As if to say that it’s both hard and good. That’s certainly true in my life right now, but I believe there is a truth that is more transcendent, meaningful, and significant.
What makes it hard, is that God has been so good… it’s hard BECAUSE it has been so good.
So good in friendships, so good in allowing our church community to be a part of seeing his kingdom come and will be done, so good in giving us time with family, so good in allowing me time to be with my mom as she got sick and eventually passed away, so good giving me space to grow in a loving church, so good in blessing us with our third child, and so good in innumerable other ways.
I’m not sure how to walk away from all of those blessings, but I’m trying to learn. I want to be the kind of person who can be trusted with God’s goodness. I’m not trying to hide the fact that I am hopeful and anticipating that God will be as good to us in CA as he has in CO. I want that and I want to be the kind of person who can handle, hold, and receive the blessing that he pours out.
Here are a few things that stand out to me as I begin trying to reflect and unpack the past seven years:
God’s goodness expedites the process of laying down roots. The richness of the life we’ve had over the past seven years has planted our roots deep in the soil of community. It’s interesting how that works. We naturally attach ourselves to things that are good. We long for goodness and blessing, and when we find it, we naturally want to hold onto it. That’s being rooted - holding on to people and holding on to a life God is shaping.
God’s goodness can’t be elevated above God himself. I said above that it feels like Jesus has been prying my hands off some things that I love dearly. One of the questions I’v sensed Jesus asking me throughout this process is, “Are you going to put the gifts above the giver?” I’ve struggled with this over the past four months. We were obedient in following Jesus to Colorado, he was good for us, and now we get the sense that he’s calling us to walk away from it all. To be honest, I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I know that I cannot place the gifts above the giver.
God’s goodness is not in short supply. One of the things my wife and I have talked about over the past few months is how God is able to be as good to us in California just as he was good to us in Colorado. We do not live in a world of scarcity. God’s hands are not tied, he is able and we anticipate that he will continue to be good to us as we pack up our home, our hearts, and our dreams and move them to Escondido.
I’m trying to remind myself that it’s hard because it’s good. At least for now, that is bringing a bit of comfort to my wounded soul. My hope is that it might help you too.